the end of tuvaluEveryone knows there’s nothing like a good war to save the U.S. economy. GM can’t make cars but I bet they make a hell of a bullet.  And of course, the military is first rate when it comes to generating job openings…

But of course, after being schooled in Iraq for the last 50 years, we’re going to need to pick our next enemy very carefully.  That’s why I say it’s high time we take out Tuvalu.  For those of you not familiar with Tuvalu, it is the world’s smallest independent commonwealth state.  If you looked at a map trying to find it, you might have mistaken it for a pen mark.  After scanning the Wikipedia entry for the country, I was unable to find a purported reason to attack them.  The country apparently has no natural resources and no drinking water whatsoever, although they do have an annoying propensity for competitive dance…

Oh well, fortunately that hasn’t stopped us before.  So without any constitutional authority whatsoever (although I am working on a footnote to Article I), I hereby declare war on Tuvalu.  I look forward to a short prosperous war, during which we’ll blow Tuvalu off the map and subsequently, be able to afford our Disney World vacations again. The only thing is we need to act really soon.  Apparently, given Tuvalu’s location, there’s a real risk of a hurricane taking out the entire island, and it would be such a shame if Mother Nature beat us to it…