So one of my good friends from college is getting married this summer. I finally got around to making the hotel reservations. I’m just hoping that word doesn’t get out that I was the one who checked on the hotel’s cancellation policy.

I was thinking though that if I ever get married, all of my friends should be similarly suspicious– because I’d so be doing it for the gifts. I mean seriously that is a lot of merchandise, and word to the wise, if you send them to me before the wedding, I’m definitely going to pull a runner pre-ceremony. I’ll be the one in the white dress, fleeing down Main Street with a behold the giftbag- the lazy man's wrapping.cappuccino maker clenched in my sweaty hands. Don’t worry I’ll still send you a nice thank you card, especially if you splurge for the complete set of wine glasses.

That’s the problem with registries in general– you’ve got to hit them early to get the good (read: cheap but not obviously so) gifts. You wait until the last minute and you’re looking at the $600 set of Calphalon cookware or the 1/4 measuring cup, potato peeler, 1 knife, 3 napkins, and a spatula. And really, what in the hell kind of message are you sending with that collection? I also prefer not to give newlyweds anything that they can kill one another with: “Yeah and then she cut him up into ten trillion little pieces with the electric carving knife that Chloe bought them for the wedding!” I don’t need that kind of publicity.