Well it might be time to throw in the towel on air travel.   Courtesy of terrorism, we’re about 10 seconds from TSA-admininstered anal probes, and to date, I have yet to find a dignified manner of removing my belt, coat, and shoes, while dangling my Vagisil in a plastic baggy.  God, I can see the terrorists now, sitting in their cave, with AK-47s in hand, plotting this one: “Oh I know. I know.  We’re get them to put all of their liquids in a one quart Ziplock baggie.”  “American scum.  See how well you’ll fare without your entire bottle of shampoo.”just keep it in the sky

Meanwhile, the airlines really aren’t helping.  It’s only a matter of time before they charge us for the pressurized cabin:  “And that will be $400 to ensure that your head doesn’t explode en route.”  The last plane I was in (cough… Continental) broke twice, and they couldn’t find a replacement part, at which point children were asked to donate their pipe cleaners: “Look mom, I made a plane!”  “Why’s that lady crying?”  Then, the Nobel Laureate next to me, insisted on turning his phone on during landing.  Yeah, there’s a good idea– we’ve got this fifth grade art project of a plane, hurtling towards the 6″ wide runway at 450 mph and you’re feeling the need to add a handicap.  No, your phone is not special.  It just seems really special because it belongs to you…

Isn’t it weird though that all electronic devices interfere with the functioning of the plane.  iPod beats jumbo jet.  Calculator beats jumbo jet.  Sony Walkman circa 1983 beats jumbo jet.  Meanwhile those terrorists are coming up with shoe bombs, liquid explosives, and dynamite tampons.  What’s the matter with them?  Distribute some nanos with classic Arabic hymns and watch that 747 plunge…