God, work is so dull today, and it’s so freaken cold in here that I think my saliva just congealed…

What is it about offices that no one is able to effectively regulate the temperature within them. My office, for instance, is always freezing cold: 20° F day- freezing cold; 100° F day- freezing cold; volcano erupting in the near vicinity- still freezing cold. And it’s not like the building management can just “turn up the heat.” Oh no, getting the heat adjusted in my building is akin to a Herculean task, requiring absolute alignment between the earth, the sun, and the moon. Perhaps the saddest part of it all is that some engineer somewhere spent hours upon hours calculating the heat loss, heat generated, and HVAC requirements for my building, using formulas with µ’s, alpha’s, and PI’s in them, and yet, because of some dumb ass custodian who can’t figure out how the dial works, my leg hair is currently growing at an astronomically fast rate (which I think reeks of Worker’s Comp.). One day I’m just going to whip out my lighter and make a little fire on my desk using excess office materials as fuel and a square of our industrial strength carpet as a fireplace. For now, I may just dump my coffee in my lap for a cheap, warm thrill.

Is this day over yet? I’ m thinking about snorting my bottle of White Out- wake me up when it’s 5:00. I’m so bored that I’ve already had like 63 of my 64 fluid ounces of water for the day. I’ve also made like 353 trips to the bathroom. I swear whoever came up with that 8 glasses of water thing as a health recommendation obviously never tried it out, cause if they had, they never would have been able to leave the toilet long enough to actually issue the damn report. I have to say though, our bathroom is the only area of the office that’s nice and cozy. I’m thinking about perhaps moving my desk in there- the handicapped stall is rather roomy. Maybe I could toss a couple of fish in the bowl, hang a picture on the hook of the door, and make it all fancy-like.

“Uh, yeah, I work at 435 5th Avenue, Floor 8, Stall 3.”

Hell, the stall’s at least twice the size of my cubicle AND it has a window (which admittedly is rather a sketchy attribute for a bathroom stall to have). Also, in the event of an earthquake, I hear the bathroom’s one of the best places to be…