So the latest kick here in New York is a campaign called “If you see something, say something” which is aimed at encouraging New Yorkers to report suspicious (read: “terrorist at work”) activities. At present, I’ve observed enough suspicious activities for a 100+ page report (which I’ll be submitting to the NYPD at the end of the year).

New York is almost synonymous with suspicious activities. If you pick up any tourist brochure these days, “witnessing suspicious activities” has moved from the 6th to the 3rd greatest tourist attraction—right after “playing leapfrog with a giant rat“. A casual walk through Times Square and you’ll see Bin Laden on the corner, selling bootleg DVDs, and Al Queda performing card tricks for money. Meanwhile on the subway, some guy’s reading a book called “Dummy’s Guide to Making a Bomb in Three Easy Steps”. The book’s usually in some language I can’t read but I always recognize it because it has that picture on the front of the Dummy’s head exploding. Further on down the platform, some guy (who obviously didn’t read the book) is trying to shove a car bomb into his back pack—stuuuupid.

To dissuade further terrorist attacks, the New York Public Library is burning copies of “Huck Finn”, “1984″, and “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe”. City Hall is doing its part by checking the Mayor’s shoes for explosives. My cats, who have become increasingly paranoid, are currently installing a bomb detector on their litter box (although who can blame them– that’s no way to go). Meanwhile, I’ve started a collection of Samurai swords. I’m not sure how useful they’re going to be in the event of an actual terrorist attack, but if we get stuck in the apartment, we can at least amuse ourselves reenacting “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”. My goal, of course, will be to play one of the characters who doesn’t get slain…