I am suffering from quite the case of buyer’s remorse.  You know how you shouldn’t go to the grocery store if you’re hungry, well, along the same lines, don’t go to the hairdressers if you’re desperate to get your hair cut.  In my anxiety to remove the twenty pounds of hair that was restricting my head movements, I overlooked some very important warning signs:

Warning Sign #1:  My hairdresser didn’t speak English.

Warning Sign #2: She asked me if I was “ready” prior to making the first cut.  In retrospect, one does not ask the other person if he or she is “ready” unless something bad’s about to happen (a few teeth being pulled out, an appendix being removed, etc.)

Warning Sign #3: She gave me a magazine to read.  (To distract me perhaps?)

Warning Sign #4:  The magazine was Maxim for Men.  Was she perhaps preparing me for life with my new haircut?

Alright, so here are my pitiful excuses and why I believe that I am resolved of any blame:

Pitiful Excuse #1: I explained the trim concept in vivid detail (making a scissors-type motion with my fingers to indicate the amount of hair that I felt should be removed from my head); and frankly, I thought we had gotten the concept down…

Pitiful Excuse #2: It’s just so hard to see what’s going on with the back of your head.

Pitiful Excuse #3: Even if I could have seen the back of my head, there was a quality article in Maxim about building bigger biceps and well, I couldn’t put it down.

 Pitiful Excuse #4: I was drunk (and high).

 As soon as she finished though, I knew I was doomed:

Indication #1: My hair looked horrible.

Indication #2: My hairdresser wouldn’t look me in the eye.

Indication #3: She was surprised when I tipped her.

Indication #4 (which occurred shortly thereafter): I bumped into my neighbor, and his exact quote was, “Oh you’ve ummm done ummm something different with your hair”.

Yeah so, so far it’s been a fun week.  I’ve been trying to compensate for my new “haircut” with an increased focus on skin clarity, nails, and attire (rollnecks are good- I feel better if I have a filler between my shoulders and the base of my hair).  I’m also whitening my teeth.

My only salvation is that my haircut was excruciatingly overpriced, and hence, instead of it instantly being labeled a hack job, it could potentially pull off eccentric/ trendy/ rockstarsque.  Either way, though, I’ve decided to up my intake of vitamins. 

Can white girls get weaves? 

If so, feel free to send hair.